Contradictator (contradictator) wrote,

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I have

I have made a mistake... better put, a bad decision.  And could have stopped it, i had the chance. I take full responsibility.  Anyway, there was a good chance i could have ignored it, gotten off with no ill effects, and most of the advice told me to do this. But instead, i came completely clean. I laid it all out to all involved parties despite the embarrassment and trouble it would cause myself. I just couldnt see any other real solution.  I didnt want to be someone I dislike.

The end result was better than expected, and revealing in many ways. helpful in others. And it all twisted my perceptions, and made me understand more about how i feel about many things.  I could have avoided telling one of the involved parties completely with no ill effect at all, but even that wasnt acceptable to me, for several reasons, namely avoiding it occuring again, but just because i dont like doing things that involve me even seeming to be dishonest, whether i lied about anything or not.

So ultimately, i made a fool of myself and broke some things i never thought i would break. but i dont think i would have handled it in any other way. I dont understand how some people can do it. TYhe conscious pounds on my head and stomach.

its not over yet. but im a little more accepting of myself because of how i handled it thus far.

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